you go to western?
My roommate and I had this talk last night as we drove back up to school about how we both don’t want to be there. She had known that this wasn’t my ideal situation, that I wasn’t in love with our university, and would do anything to transfer.
Over the weekend we both went to my dream school. I went to see my boyfriend and she went as a date to the school’s Military Ball, so I drove us both down. She had never been on the campus, so we both walked around and looked at all the beautiful buildings and aspects of the school. It was then she realized how much she regretted not applying and how much she realized how she isn’t in love with our school.
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who doesn’t feel like they belong here. So many people rave about this school and how in love they are, how perfect it is, and how amazing their experience has been. It hasn’t been like that for me. It’s been mediocre, and I’ve settled.
I don’t want to settle.
Nature is Nice
I’ve always found nature and the “great outdoors” to be beautiful, but I’ve never been very fond of being out in the woods. I’m definitely a lets-enjoy-the-view-from-inside girl. My campus, luckily, has many trees and fantastic views from every direction.
From my dorm building, we can overlook the bay down below. The sun sets in that direction and it’s absolutely breathtaking! Lately, it’s been pretty foggy and since the campus is uphill from the bay, you can see the fog forming on the water! It’s pretty neat.
I also went to a nearby beach recently at night for a bonfire. It was so beautiful and the sky was so clear! Beach bonfires are always so fun.
Have a good week! Cheers!
Feeling Good (or, Trying To)
The other day I wasn’t feeling so good. I was in a really bad place and felt very alone, sad, and lost. Of course I have close friends up at school with me, but those closest to me were at least an hour away at best and I didn’t have the resources to just go meet them and make my sadness fade away. So, I went through my Pinterest and scrolled through my Words board. I found this beautiful picture and had to post it to my Instagram! It helped me remember that I may not be where I want to be, but I should focus on being the best I can be and succeeding where I am. Here’s the lovely picture.
The link goes back to a blog ran by Shayla Lilian. Her blog is so cute and positive, and her relationship with her husband is so darling!
This is another picture with writing on it that really spoke to me awhile ago (does that sound cheesy? That sounds cheesy, but that’s okay). We all have hard times, even if they’re mediocre. Every once in awhile we just need someone to tell us yeah, it is okay to be sad, but you can do better, you will be better, and you’ll be okay.
The original post for this one can be found here. So, here’s to moving on and trying our bests, and being our bests.
I’m currently sitting in the library’s quiet room, with the intent to study, finding myself working on my transfer application.
I feel really sad, writing this, in this somewhat beautiful library. I feel very disloyal and rude writing my transfer application essay here. I feel bad writing it in general. I should be studying, that’s why I came here, but I can’t focus. All I want to do is write this damn essay.
I don’t really know what about this school I don’t like. I’m not sure why I don’t feel like this is me, why I don’t feel that this is where I’m meant to be. Everyone talks about how their university “is home” and how they just know they belong there. It’s been almost a month since classes started, so maybe that sense of belonging-ness will develop after time. This is one of those things where someone will pipe in and say, “only time will tell.”
Except I don’t want time to tell. I’m extremely impatient and hate the idea of waiting for something that may never come, especially something so intangible as feeling like I belong, like this is meant to be. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up transferring somewhere and feel even more out of place there.
But, for right now, writing this essay is really hard. I want it to sound great, but I know in the back of my mind that there is a very little chance that I will be accepted. With the amount of undergrads already at my dream school and number of transfer applicants and my academic history, I don’t see a whole lot of light at the end of the tunnel. It’s still worth a try.
Dining Hall Breakfast
is the best breakfast I’ve ever had.
My roommate and I get breakfast every morning, and sometimes our friends will meet us there. I have an 8 am class every day, so we meet at 9 for breakfast. It is so amazing.
At my school, there are so many breakfast choices. I get a scramble made for me every morning - you just fill out a little order form and they make it right there in front of you! I also get some sort of carb-y food, either pancakes (chocolate chip, blueberry, and regular is what they offer, different days of the week!) or french toast. They have sausage, bacon, turkey sausage patties, scrambled eggs, oatmeal, waffles, fruit, yogurt, cereal, breakfast muffins/cookies/donuts, potatoes, hash browns, and some other stuff that I can’t think of!
Waking up every morning knowing I’ll be full until 2 pm is a great feeling.
5 Good Things Friday
- Free Condom Fridays! I’m involved with a Planned Parenthood club on campus that hand out condoms on Fridays, for free! I did it for the first time today and it was really fun. The weather was especially nice as well.
- Foggy morning (and evening) weather! The weather here has been nuts. The mornings are extremely foggy, so thick that you can’t see 80 yards away. It lasts until noon-ish, and comes back around 5. It’s currently 6:40 pm and I can barely see out my window!
Chai Tea Lattes. I’m not a coffee drinker - it makes my head hurt, my stomach hurt, and leaves a disgusting aftertaste for hours! Chai tea lattes are what make life good. My roommate and one of our friends went to this cute Italian coffee shop downtown, and I ordered this delicious latte. We studied there for two hours, so I ordered some toasted Ciabatta bread with balsamic vinegar and olive oil, which was also great!
- Fall. I’ve never really been a person to enjoy fall (crazy, right?) but this year I have come to really love it! I’m not as cold constantly as I used to be (I should look into why) so I’m much more comfortable with the weather. Thankfully it hasn’t rained very often here. The sun always comes out and the leaves are such a beautiful color! The wind is rare (for now) and the air is nice and crisp. I’m digging it.
- Sparkling Cider just because in some Lilly. I bought these two Lilly Pulitzer cups over summer at TJ Maxx for only $10! I fell in love and knew I wanted them. On a recent Walmart trip, I picked up some sparkling cider (it was only $2!)! I am a huge fan of sparkling cider - I love the taste and carbonation, not to mention how fancy you feel drinking it. I felt especially preppy (heheh) drinking it out of my Lilly cups!
Those are my favorite things about this week! A lot of good happened this week. I’m trying to look more at all the positive things about life. Small things are what make up the big things. Cheers!
Last night I had a dream that I received a text telling me I had been accepted into my dream school. I woke up really sad, and disappointed. I remembered how sad I was when I came home to this thin, tiny, sad envelope and cried for two whole days because my envelope wasn’t gold. I didn’t go to class the next day; I just laid in bed and felt sorry for myself.
That was something no one told me: it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to cry and not go to school the next day. It’s okay to feel hurt and embarrassed. Those feelings are okay. After awhile, you don’t feel as sad anymore. You don’t want to cry as much, and there will be a day that you won’t cry at all.
It’s been 7 months since I received my rejection letter, and I still cry sometimes. Sometimes it’s really easy to be sad, like when you’re alone in your dorm room and Facebook is full of pictures of your friends who go to that school and it’s 1 am on a Friday night. I’m still sad, still disappointed, but there will be a time that I don’t feel this way anymore.
There is something really peaceful about being alone in my dorm room, with only Christmas lights on, wrapped up in a comforter fresh out of the dryer, freshly showered, and with a wax melter on. I feel very happy and one with myself right now. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.
Today was a really great day. We watched a really interesting film in my anthropology class today, I had an amazing chai tea latte and this really cute cafe, and I met some really nice people.
Things are better, school is better, this is growing on me.
YOU ARE SMART DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU ARE WORTH GOING TO EVERY AMAZING SCHOOL IN THE WORLD AND ONE DAY YOU MAY BE AT YOUR DREAM SCHOOL I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU ARE SO SMART AND CREATIVE AND BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU AND IM SO PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I AM CRYING BECAUSE YOU ARE SO NICE AND I MISS YOU AND I LOVE YOU